My perception of alcoholics has not changed, I can’t help but visualize all the decades of their alcohol abuse converted in to a limitless amount of sap that just sprays uncontrollably out their mouth and in reality they are still a bunch of self centered attention seeking losers.   

First AA meeting today, not too down. 

Clenching fistful of agglutinated mess.

Howling internal exasperation,

muted bellows, shouts of coiled stress. 

Never has a moment been so full of tension. 

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“you are good looking…for an asian”

“that’s flattering…for an insult”

I can’t believe I am actually getting perfect grades in most of my subjects. Quitting everything has been a huge confidence boost, liz, you are a huge inspiration, never knew I could be one of those over achieving Asians.

Upon first eyes met, was a sweat treat, only creek deep. 

Daring chemistry weaves to what dreams sips gently . 

Days pass by minutes , and months as days,

yet a lifetime passes in just your smile, tell me you love me, 

that melodious sound lingers pass a century 

If misery was once accompanied by strange bedfellows,

upon first heart touch, was exiled, gone was melancholy.

Replaced with only, dreams of you, thoughts of you, touch, sight, scent.

You lent me the beat in your chest to share the felicity, 

and teeming with ineffable complexity lies the simplest truth. 

You are my happiness, my truest only. 

I used to know everything, 

I’M Not Lying I’m serious,

I was twelve once. 

You could have asked me anything

Anything you wanted to know,

I could’ve given you the answer. 

But  I’ve transcended.

Yes,  when I first enter, I was oblivious.

Things were irrevocable. What was this

Infinite fear that never existed, It’s form

So repulsively insecure, advocating me

To become the driver of stupidity. 

Drunk on the ignorance of achieving acceptance 

What happen to my vast knowledge 

that knew no end. The answer to life, what was it? 

I forget the answer,

It must be intended by the god name Nothing, That we all forget. 

at last I have slay the beast of insecurity, watching it dust 

Into wind then to null. Bowing my head to a humble acceptance. 

It’ll be awhile to Nothing’s door, time allows me to still grow young. 

Everytime now,

when the relapse of ill filled will struck

and is strung by the need for another sampler,

comes along you, why heal the fucked?

and say you are the one to make me surrender.

some flowers bloom with beauty and grace, 

 you are the one that tops it with miles

and blossoms to every perfect taste, with all you perfect ways

I’d live over another ravneous life to see your smile.

saviour of my mind, I wish to merge with your reflection

just to feel your depth.

but honestly I never liked your snake drake.

found it vile and disgusting.

somewhat like a beast that lures beauty

with taunting eyes that bulges meance,

direly though, I fear the more venomous,

posionous, creature around, might just be me.

and doubtfully as it might be

I feel the will to kill the snake as you rid of me

the little prints you make

with every steps you take

within me I think

of you as so much

your little hands touch

my cheeks

think you my little sister

I’ve always want

thank you my little sister

with you I can

smile, I can laugh

rhythm on the the slap

of each of your clap

so the sunshines in you eyes

when you blink each time

every kind of every kind

the blossoms of every design

shows in your smart pretty eyes

so abby don’t ever call me cousin

I’ll always be your brother 

or rather the unconditional protector